What Mothers Do

…especially when it looks like nothing

In the first few weeks of the Little Prince’s life, when my life revolved mostly around sitting on the sofa (feeding, changing, being a comfortable resting place), my husband, being a good man that he is, bought me a book which was supposed to make me “feel better”. Not that I was feeling bad or anything, or at least, not that I realised. The book was one of those motivational scraps, you know the kind. The kind that I passionately detest.

The title was What Mothers Do – especially when it looks like nothing. Written by Naomi Stadlen.

Initially I just wanted to shove the whole 258 pages back into mu beloved husband's… bottom. But then the baby started crying, the world became crazy again and the thought was delayed until it eventually vanished. The life took its course. The book, pushed aside, eventually disappeared somewhere and for a long time I completely forgot about it. That was until last Monday, when (eight months later) I was doing some cleaning and found the book perched in the gap between the sofa and a bookshelf.

I picked it up wanting to bin it straight away but then, having a few spare minutes while my husband took the rest of the family out, I opened the book on a random page and started reading.

What a little gem it was!

Simply written, undemanding and relevant. I could relate to so many situations. It even made me laugh few times. The book talks about all the feelings I had had and keep having. Being lost, uncertain and lonely. Lacking sleep and support. Being exhausted and yet feeling guilty about neglecting so many chores. Thinking I must be doing something wrong…

The greatest thing about this book? It confirms that all the above feelings are completly normal. Not only that, it glorifies us mothers for getting through this with the persistence and angelic patience. There is no advise of how to do things better, proving that what You do must be wrong. There is no magic formula, no rule, no way of doing things. Motherhood is just that. Guilt, tiredness, endless time on the sofa. Getting to know that precious little darling to the point where every prod of a finger means pages of information. Just plough on and you will soon get where other mothers, whose stories are the reason of your imaginary incompetence, are. This book is pricelessly reassuring, making the motherhood and the chaos around normal! Enjoyable even! Definitely less stressful.

Routine, pattern, baby sleeping at night, it all comes… later. The first few months of the baby's life are absolutely mad, crazy and there is nothing you can do about it.  

I do recommend reading the book, if you have time, I really do. I also recommend this book to your partners. Hopefully after reading the countless testimonies they’ll not have to play the guessing game anymore. They will understand exactly what you are trying to tell them.