Let’s Talk About Sex

Three months ago I pushed my baby’s head, the size of a hand-ball, through my vagina. The push tore me apart. The pain was excruciating. My muscles contracted and stretched in an unusual way. The stretch so damaging I will never be able to hold my pee again. Ten stiches held my bits together.

How long will it be, before I want something shoved back in that hole again?

Giving birth is underrated. It is done too often. With excellent rates of survival, the respect for the act has been lost in its frequency. When you give birth to a kidney stone, the size of a nut, it is a big deal, but make the stone a hundred times bigger and it goes unnoticed. Let's get this straight.The fact that so many women give birth every day does NOT make it less painful; or… easier to recover from.

And although they’ve been there, they saw it all, they felt your pain, they held your hand and now they tell their friends; the fact is this: Men recover quicker from childbirth, than Women.

“You are so sexy.” They say three months after the birth.

Fat, with vomit down your shirt, saggy bottoms barely covering your arse. Unconscious, tired, with dark circles under your eyes. Walking into walls. Scarecrow hair, dragon’s breath, setting fire to all things pretty.  

“You are so sexy.” They say when you’ve been up since five.

With the baby in your hands, constantly feeding, administering medicine, nursing to sleep, wiping bottom, worrying, shouting, losing patience. Playing, farting, laughing, reaching, holding, changing, nursing, wiping bottom, losing patience. Always for Him, never for yourself.

“You are so sexy.” They say looking down your top.

Your breasts engorged, their pain not for fun. They have a purpose now, serve a higher end. They are taken, protected, reserved. Not theirs. Not a sexual statement anymore. Distant past, near future (I hope). Hide, hide, do not tempt. Undress in the dark, wear a potato bag, cover yourself.

“You are so sexy.” They say in the dark.

The night fell two hours ago. You crawl into bed, unconscious, craving the warm duvet, the concave of the pillow. Muscles stretched, weightless. Peace. You drift beyond this world. Happy. Stressed. Sleep Mother, sleep. The baby will wake you soon.

“You are so sexy.” They demand.

Pretend you’re not there. Close your eyes tightly wishing it away, for another six months. Sleep, sleep.

“You are so sexy.” It's right next to you, closing in. There is only one way. The quicker you deal with it ,the quicker you can go back to sleep. You’re a Mother, you’re a Wife.